Anger is a protest to a perceived VIOLATION.
You or someone else has been wronged.
Values are always involved when anger comes up.
The higher the value, the more emotionally invested you are, and the stronger your anger will become.
With rage, the violation seems so great because it has to do with your highest values.
Your Trust (or Love or Justice or Truth or Life or Self-value...) has been betrayed, jeopardized, or denied.
Practical exercise for removing anger
1) Feel the situation in which anger has come up.
Describe the situation. Be specific and brief, as if describing a scene in a movie.
2) Ask yourself:
What do I protest in this situation?
(the answer should include a specific person/group/being at whom you are angry and their specific action or behavior)
3) Ask yourself:
What has/have… (name the person or group) violated?
(If one of your core values comes up here, proceed to part 5)
4) Now look deeper into the violation and ask yourself:
Which of my core values is involved/connected to this violation?
5) When you find the core value, describe how it is exactly that that value has been violated in that situation
- If necessary, repeat (parts of) the exercise
- If you work alone, I advise you to write down all the answers
- Do this exercise for every person that angers you on a regular basis (mother, boss, child, spouse ...)